8 months clean

I know it's not a normally celebrated milestone, but for me, today, it feels huge to have this much time clean.

It really does work one day at a time and if I don't use no matter what and if I don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens… all of the things you hear in meetings are true. They don't always apply, but when they do, they do…

I came close to using so many times during this 8 months. I had all the right reasons to use and yet, with the help of friends, sheer willpower and experience, I didn't use. I was weak and strong at the same time… powerless and power-full…

And I know I'm crazy still… I'm not all there yet… still having my moments of insanity and self-induced pain on the regular… but I'm not regressing by giving in and using… I learning and gaining experience and knowledge and examples to draw from.

My program isn't much most days… what higher power? What steps? What sponsor? What whatever?… but still… I'm doing it and those things still matter to me… I'm getting the most from the fellowship of NA… that friendship of fellow addicts… having friends really is keeping me clean most days. I have less time alone since I have more friends and that's key for me. I am grateful for the fellowship most of all.

Anyway, 8 month today. Living just for today and not using no matter what. Love you.
Blue skies today.