ADDICTION ARTICLE:  10 Ways SMART Recovery Differs From 12-Step Programs | The Fix

The organization’s approach emphasizes a secular and scientifically-based modality which is attractive for people who do not connect with the spiritual aspect of 12-step.

Source: 10 Ways SMART Recovery Differs From 12-Step Programs | The Fix

 

I attempted SMART Recovery and I have similar thoughts to the author.

  • The availability of meetings here is Houston is minimal… last I checked, it was 3 weekly meetings compared to the dozen or so daily NA meetings.
  • I wasn’t too fond of the facilitator of the most convenient meeting to me… I don’t envy his recovery…
  • The rest of the group was fairly new to SMART and therefore, less experience for me to draw from.
  • They focus a lot on the on-line groups and messaging which doesn’t work for me… I need more human interaction/accountability.
  • I do like the “self-reliance” aspect of it… still struggling with God’s will vs. mine…
  • I like the scientific approach as well… CBT/REBT is well studied and I’ve been exposed to them since forever ago when I’ve seen therapists and been institutionalized…

I’m going to stick with NA/12-Step for now since I’ve never finished the steps and want to at least do that so I can really compare and know.  I do agree that there are many paths to recovery and it may take a hybrid approach for some people.  Maybe me…

International Overdose Awareness Day

International Overdose Awareness Day (IOAD) is a global event held on August 31st each year and aims to raise awareness of overdose and reduce the stigma of a drug-related death. It also acknowledges the grief felt by families and friends remembering those who have met with death or permanent injury as a result of drug overdose.

For my friends

Today there is a memorial for my friend Jesse… it’s got me thinking of him and as I was listening to music this morning, this song came on and I was reminded of our last conversation… when he was high and reciting Bible verses to me… tears running down his cheeks, arms wrapped around himself, looking at me then the ground then me, sliding downward in his chair, ashamed and guilt-riddened, desperate for relief and help. I hope… I’m sure he’s found it.

Then I started thinking about other friends that I’ve lost to addiction and this song came to mind. For Damon and Kelly especially…

Finally a song of hope for those still suffering…

Love you.

Still… Jesse

Jesse is still on my mind… not 24/7 but when it's quiet or when certain music comes on (or I play it on purpose) or when I'm on FB and friends post some pictures or something in memorial to him…

I don't want to be over this loss… there was too much invested in our relationship to just get over it.  We went deep into the dark one night… I wasn't prepared for that level insanity… demons.  It pissed me off and I didn't speak to him for a bit.  But it's fucking Jesse and I valued the clean Jesse more than I hated the using Jesse and when he came back from a run, we fucking hugged it out and said we loved each other and we were back…

There is a memorial for him this weekend… I keep thinking I want to be there… I want to help, I want to be with the Fellowship of Missoula NA, I want to be sad with them and be happy with them and hear more about my friend…

I'm glad his suffering of all sorts is over, but I hope it was painless and it fucking sucks he was alone in a fucking van in an Old Navy parking lot… just sitting there until someone decided to investigate.

I hate that he was alone… I hate that he was alone… I hate that he was alone.  What was he thinking?  How was he feeling?  Was he ready?  I hate that he was alone and we don't know…

I've been listening to this in his memory… Love you Jesse.

Recovery and relapse

I had a friend relapse yesterday and this morning I am reading chapter 7 in the NA Basic Text. My old sponsor used to have me read it every time I relapsed or whenever friend I cared about relapsed.

It is an amazing bit of writing. The last paragraph on page 80 is me… in fact I’m all over this chapter.

It wasn’t enough to see my friend coming down from a three day binge on meth… I knew I didn’t want to be in that same position but reading this chapter is reinforcing that I was in fact about to go out. All the signs were pointing to a relapse for me.

I’m writing this even before I finish the chapter… I’m only on page 81 and I had to stop reading because I felt a spiritual experience come over me. The answers are truly in the writing and I just need to refer to it more often.

SIDE NOTE:  Hanging out with this guy yesterday was so good for me… it was the reminder I needed of the consequences of using… sure, it can be fun and all of the things I keep thinking it’d be, but his condition after a three day run was sad… super-twitchy and unable to sit still, feeling guilty and ashamed, hungry and tired…  I was grateful I could be there for him and even more so for the IRL experience of the downside of using… the fucking come-down.

My new favorite page.