Recovery and relapse

I had a friend relapse yesterday and this morning I am reading chapter 7 in the NA Basic Text. My old sponsor used to have me read it every time I relapsed or whenever friend I cared about relapsed.

It is an amazing bit of writing. The last paragraph on page 80 is me… in fact I’m all over this chapter.

It wasn’t enough to see my friend coming down from a three day binge on meth… I knew I didn’t want to be in that same position but reading this chapter is reinforcing that I was in fact about to go out. All the signs were pointing to a relapse for me.

I’m writing this even before I finish the chapter… I’m only on page 81 and I had to stop reading because I felt a spiritual experience come over me. The answers are truly in the writing and I just need to refer to it more often.

SIDE NOTE:  Hanging out with this guy yesterday was so good for me… it was the reminder I needed of the consequences of using… sure, it can be fun and all of the things I keep thinking it’d be, but his condition after a three day run was sad… super-twitchy and unable to sit still, feeling guilty and ashamed, hungry and tired…  I was grateful I could be there for him and even more so for the IRL experience of the downside of using… the fucking come-down.

My new favorite page.

You know you want to say something... say it.